A Plea to Blodeuwedd

Author: Hexeengel /

Lyrics as prayer, "All I Need" by Within Temptation...

I'm dying to catch my breath
Oh why don't I ever learn?
I've lost all my trust though I've surely tried
To turn it around

Can You still see the heart of me?
All my agony fades away
When You hold me in Your embrace

Don't tear me down
For all I need
Make my heart a better place
Give me something I can believe
Don't tear me down
You've opened the door now
Don't let it close

I'm here on the edge again
I wish I could let it go
I know that I'm only one step away
From turning around

Can You still see the heart of me?
All my agony fades away
When You hold me in your embrace

Don't tear me down
For all I need
Make my heart a better place
Give me something I can believe
Don't tear it down
What's left of me
Make my heart a better place

I've tried many times but nothing was real
Make it fade away
Don't tear me down
I want to believe that this is for real
Save me from my fear
Don't tear me down

Don't tear me down
For all I need
Make my heart a better place

Don't tear me down
For all I need
Make my heart a better place
Give me something I can believe
Don't tear it down
What's left of me
Make my heart a better place
Make my heart a better place

Lady of Sovereignty, Initiation and Destiny, I want to follow the path You've shown me. But I am afraid. I'm afraid he won't accept it, or he'll consent and then grow to regret it and resent me. Please, show me the way to reach him, past his mind and into his heart and soul. He is a shaman, Lady, one who is still struggling, still discovering. I think he's afraid too, that I'll leave him behind. Help me show him that's not the case. Help us both please, Lady.

Blessed Be.

Serious Blunder

Author: Hexeengel /

I didn't do a ritual or meditation or anything for the last Full Moon. I could list the reasons, too hot, not feeling it, etc., but none of that excuses it.

On the plus side though, I feel like I'm gaining more of a connection to the Earth/Earth element, one that's really been lacking in my life up till now. I discovered last year that I enjoy camping an awful lot, and this year that I love the local farmer's market - and the produce moreso than the crafts, which is not what I would expect.

Ritual Report

Author: Hexeengel /

I performed a solitary ritual tonight. (Click the entry's title to read the report.)

Spring and Fall

Author: Hexeengel /

I did some thinking last night at work about the Spring and Fall seasons...

Imbolc - fertility as ideas/creativity
Spring - fertility as growth/momentum
Beltane - fertility as physical/sex/conception

Lammas - harvest as bounty/reward for hard work
Fall - harvest as consequences/emphasizing relationship between what is reaped from what was sown
Samhain - harvest as death/endings

Death of Llew Article

Author: Hexeengel /

Yesterday I read a fascinating article called "The Death of Llew" by Mike Nichols (of The Witches' Sabbats fame), and it postulated an interesting theory:

So if births are associated with the solstices, when do the symbolic deaths occur? [...] When does darkness conquer light or light conquer darkness? Obviously (to me, at least), it must be at the two equinoxes. At the autumnal equinox, the hours of light in the day are eclipsed by the hours of darkness. At the vernal equinox, the process is reversed. Also, the autumnal equinox, called “Harvest Home”, is already associated with sacrifice, principally that of the spirit of grain or vegetation. In this case, the God of Light would be identical.

[...]

So Midsummer (to me, at least) is a celebration of the Sun God at his zenith, a crowned king on his throne. He is at the height of his power and still one quarter of a year away from his ritual death at the hands of his rival. However, at the very moment of his greatest strength, his dark twin, the seed of his destruction, is born—just as the days begin to shorten.

This made much sense to me, and while it may not be strictly Traditional when it comes to Wicca's understanding of the Wheel, it is a theory I plan to ponder in enriching my own personal practice.

50/50 Sabbats

Author: Hexeengel /

Continuing with the personal mythology exploration, here are those Sabbats that I'm semi-comfortable with.

Eostar - "Spring cleaning." "Out with the old, in with the new." Balance leading to upward momentum. Day begins to conquer night.

Lammas - First harvest. Grains. God begins His descent. Bread blessing. Bounty of harvest. First day of Autumn.

Fall Equinox - Second harvest festival. More somber. Time of reflection. Balance leading to downward spiral. More sacrifice. Preparing for Winter. Night begins to conquer day.

I realized that, of these first two harvest festivals, Lammas is still holding onto the joy and revelry of Summer, while the Equinox is beginning to recognize the diligence and hardship of Winter. This is a transitional time. I'm betting/thinking/hoping a certain realization will come to me in reference to Imbolc and Eostar.

And for some reason, I want to come up with different names for the Equinoxes. I like Autumnus (aw-TUM-nuhs) for the Fall Equinox, and I was considering Vernalia (ver-NAY-lee-ah) for the Spring, but I'm not set on the latter. Any thoughts, on any of this?

Personal Mythology

Author: Hexeengel /

I think the first thing I need to figure out is my personal mythology of the Sabbats. Some of them are easy/non-issues, like Beltane, Samhain, and Yule. Ones I tend to struggle with are Imbolc and Midsummer. The two Equinoxes and Lammas are about 50/50 right now. I'll post briefly now about those Sabbats I feel most comfortable with, just some free association...

Beltane - Union of the God and Goddess. Beginning of Summer. Veil is thin, more Faerie activity. Sex. Last fertility festival. Maypole, dancing. (I have a bit of personal narrative written already, so this is good.)

Samhain - Veil thin again, time of spirits. Wild Hunt. Horned God. Beginning of Winter. Divination. Remembering the dead. Grief and mourning, while knowing Death is not the end. Last harvest festival.

Yule - Sun Child reborn of the Earth Mother, light returns. Midwinter. Rejoice and celebration. Longest night. (I have a children's story written that I could upgrade to a more adult version, also good.)

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